Sunday, 29 April 2012

Driven

Obviously, I don't know but I honestly believe that being a writer is harder than being an author.

At least as an author you've achieved your goal and you've had your work valued, recognised, printed and read.  Maybe when I become an author I'll find that untrue.  Maybe once you've made it the goal posts move and suddenly you find yourself needing to achieve more and work harder to maintain your position.  I won't know until I become an author, so for now, I will share with you why today I feel hopeless.

Some days the need to be read is overwhelming, almost as if the air has been taken from my lungs and I'm suffocating with the need to breathe, the need to be read.  I can't settle at my desk to write, I'm pacing around with tears in my eyes frustrated that there is very little I can do about it but wait.

The voices in my head want to be heard and the worlds I've created need to be seen.  It sounds crazy but its something that only those who've truly been there have experienced.  I know my characters like real people and I've visited my worlds like true places.

Luckily, I am a good self motivational speaker.  I tell myself that I am good which I know I am.  I remind myself that I'm not NEVER going to be published it's just a matter of time.  Whilst I wait I should be entering competitions or submitting stories or articles to magazines or anthologies and continue working on my novels.  I have a plan, I just have to stick to it and be patient.

It's okay that sometimes I don't want to be patient, we all have moments.  We all sometimes need reassurance that we are good, that we're not delusional.  I network with other writers who share my experiences, my feelings, my ambition and for no reason they encourage me and help me no longer feel alone as I wait in line for luck and fate to find me.  I want to see them do well, they have so much talent and people are missing out on experiencing their words.

One day I will make it into print.  I know this because I will never give up.  I will never stop believing, dreaming, imagining and it is this drive that what will carry me to success.